Sometimes....

sometimes i do pity myself & i do really think that i'm useless in everything i do.....
i can't make up my mind what actually i want to do? i dunno why i always put myself in dilemma...
as u know i'm going down to KL this coming 30 dec till Jan 2.... & as u know my Baby is in KL....
i always find an excuse to go KL... but every time i'm able to go but we can't spend time together.... & don't ask me why.... i dunno....
actually this coming trip the purpose is to see Rania but my initial purpose is not that!!!! my initial purpose is to spend time with him... i know he do wants to spend time together but i can't.... its not that i don't want...its just i can't as my SG friends are coming to the concert as well.... i have to spend time with them plus one of my good friend is coming along with me... i can't ditch them to spend time with him right? however, i really do want to spend time with him....I REALLY DO!!!!
i really afraid that he will think that he is not my 1st priority.... Dear boyfriend: YOU ARE ALWAYS MY 1ST PRIORITY!!!!!! I do really feel bad for not spending the time with him this time.... he said we will work things out.... like how Baby?
As the age of 24, i find myself very USELESS!!!! i dunno why i must keep this relationship a secret? WHY? don't ask me, ask my boyfriend!! WHY can't we just tell our friends & family that we are together... things will be a lot easier... TRUST ME.... it will be a lot EASIER!!! No one will keep on asking me, why i wanna go down to KL that often~ & i can just tell them im going to spend time with my boyfriend... isn't it sound a lot easier? it does right!
Keeping it a secret is not a good thing after all... seriously... i do not mean that i must tell the whole world that i'm taken, i just wanna share this happiness with my close friends & family....my friends will be happy for me & i really do not know why he wanna keep it a secret? maybe like this he can wooing some girls.....i don't stop you! you can do whatever you like, you can break up with me anytime you want/ maybe he has a gf in KL & i'm the third party between them? D: *i do not want to ruin ppl's relationship*
well luckily he doesn't know that i have a blog... so that i can rant whatever i do not satisfy here :) that's the BEST part!!!!
Dear boyfriend: i do love you but i don't know are you feeling the same way? or you are just playing my feeling? :(
till then, we'll work things out & blame myself for everything! booo.....