Unofficial forever?

this entry is my random thoughts again.... BITE ME!!!!!
what you guys think of LDR.... i never thought i will be in it.... i dunno whether i should be happy or sad... well i think most of the time im sad LOL....KILL ME!!!!
the feeling is like u have someone but you just can't be with him/her!!! that's suck right?? :( booohoooo.... yours truly is not very happy/satisfied about it!!!! plus my-so-called-boyfriend is so NOT romantic & has no initiative at all & he loves his job more than me!!!! BOOOOOO HIM!!!! *i feel like this entry is going to be my ranting about my unsatisfactory towards HIM!!! i guess so -grins-BITE ME!!!!!*
i used to imagine whenever i have a bf in future, my love story will be like those appear in those Taiwanese dramas....LOL.... watch too much drama... it's a bad influence!!! anyway those storyline is so ridiculous yet still romantic :D totally love watching it~~~
now i wish i can stay by his side when he needs me.... but i don't really think that we are going to make it thru anyway.... i always admire people can go on a date with their love ones whenever they want, they celebrate their anniversary or special day together, they can go on a holiday together, they can spend time together, they can do things that they both like together, they can be in each others arms, they can have sweet talks together.... all those lists yours truly can't enjoy it!!!!! i'm pretty sad & with that i used to think is it still worth while to keep on hoping while u get nothing? it is better to let him go, so that he can find someone who deserve him... well yours truly is not really worth to have him.... *don't ask me why i have this thought*
if i said i don't deserve him, my friends are going to smack my head for saying so :X
i wonder when the unofficial can be the official? do you really looking forward to be with me or you are just thinking of a way you-know-what-are-you-going-to-do? well....Dear God can you give me an answer? i really need it.... sometimes i'm so lost..... i'm a lost child right now.... :(
recently he is not very happy with me, cos yours truly is ignoring him LMAO! he thinks that i'm ignoring him....damn he is so smart!!! hahahahaha.... oops :X i just don't understand why he can be so smart?
it's not that im ignoring him, i just want him to be initiative to approach me :) *grins* am i too much? D:
i'm having dilemmas right now.... as im going down to KL on Dec 30 till Jan 2.... i want to spend time alone with him & i know he wants it too.... but the worst part is no one from that group of friends know anything about us... plus i don't think i can really ditch them.... they come from SG.... & we hardly meet each others...so i think i'm gonna spend time with them.... actually i hardly meet my Baby too....ahhhhhh.... i don't want to let this opportunity slips away.... who knows when i have this opportunity again right? but what am i suppose to do? Dear God, i'm lost once again.... let me know what should i do? i feel bad for ditching either of them..... please take a gun & SHOOT ME!!!! im so wanna die..... :(
Till then, we'll figure it out!!!! God leads me to the right way please :(

ps: i have another new dilemma, my friend ask me to go sunway lagoon with her when im in KL lol >.<