MY FUTURE IS IN MY HANDS

ALOHAAAAAAAAA :D
it's been a long time since my last update ^^ how is everyone doing?
I'm doing pretty fine here :DDDDDD
the thing that had been bothering me for a very long time already GONE!!!!! YESSSSS GONE!!!!!
I'm leading a happier life now :D thx to you~~~ really thx u very much :D
because of you, I have set a lot of GOALS to achieve this year~~ BIG RESOLUTIONS :D
I'm going to lead an ADVENTUROUS life this year!!!!!
I really hope my resolutions can be achieve, all i need to do is study hard & work hard!!! I know I can do it no matter what!!! I'm going to prove everyone wrong!!! & I'm going to show everyone that I can do it & I can be successful in life!!! I'm going to work hard for my future.... what is the most important to me now, is my own future!!!! I want all the luxuries in life & i'm going to work hard for it & earn it & enjoy it myself....
Thx to someone, that abandoned me & u makes my life even more interesting now :) Kamsahamida~~

Leave the past behind~

i need to talk to someone about my problem & i can't think of a friend i can turn to.....
my friends know that i'm pretending to be ok & they know i'm not ok at all~~ they said you are pretending to smile & it is always turn into a frown.... & i keep on convince them i'm ok & i know i'm not ok at all~ why i have to act strong? they asked me to cry it out & i told them i can't....
it's been 2 days & i know it's over but i don't why i'm hurting inside.... now the only thing i can do is to MOVE ON & LOOK FORWARD & FORGET ABOUT THIS RELATIONSHIP LIKE IT NEVER EXIST AT ALL!!!
till then, start everything new :)

Goodbye

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!!!!!! :)
everyone is hoping for a start of something new.... well me too but i think i had a pretty bad start of the year....
ppl who know me should know what am i referring to.... but i guess maybe i put too much hope in something & in the end when i don't get it, im very piss off... well i am right now...im not complaining or what... all i feel is HURT!!!! why ppl just can't think of others feeling....every human beings are selfish!!!
when im mad, i'll just expressed myself without thinking of others...i know im rude but who care!!! DO 1ST, THINK LATER & REGRET AFTER THAT!!!! hell yeah~~~ i don't know why im regretting for saying those sensitive words....i still have feeling towards him?? i don't know, im a confuse biatch right now~~~ he said he needs some time alone ok...im not going to disturb him.... im giving him some space & some time to think, whether we should continue this i-don't-know-how-to-explain-relationship or not? but from the bottom of my heart, i already know the answer.... anyway padam muka rachel lee :/
i don't know why im being treated like this & i still wanna to be with him? i wanna challenge myself? i don't know.... i should really wake up or i need someone who can slap hard on me to wake me up!!! seriously?? can't you see, he doesn't even wanna spend time with you?? & he doesn't even bother to care?? why he changed every time i went down to KL??? i just wanna to see him, why he made it so hard??? why???
but from this incident, i clearly know that he doesn't putting any effort in this relationship & why i still give him some many opportunity to make things right? i don't know... you can said im plain stupid... i admit i am~~~ cos ILOVEHIM!!!! simple!!!! i guess he will never know my true feeling towards him...hahaha... it's all over i guess.... i should move on & be happy.... i still have friends who support me from doing so.... okok cheers rachel lee :)
when i feel unhappy watch RUNNING MAN :D yeah yeah~~~ i should do so.... im going to make myself busy with variety shows & dramas & fanfics & studies :D less facebook,twitter & checking phone :)
till then, say goodbye my love, i'm so sorry boy!

Pre-New Year Resolutions

aloha~~~ 1 day left to the new year 2012.....
well since i'm going to spend my new year in KL so i might not get to write down my new year resolutions hahaha~~ so i'm going to write it down now ^^
let me summarize what actually happened throughout the year~~~ actually nothing much.... just that ihaveabfbutnooneknowsaboutit should i be happy or sad? well.... i don't know!!!! let just see what is going to happen this weekend... see his efforts towards me(i do really hope to see him)... if not i think u know what i'm capable of doing :)
oh well.... actually i never put a very high hope towards him.... cos every time when i'm at KL... he NEVER EVER meet me up so...... i don't really care!!!! but i do mind!!!!& i feel hurt!!!! booooo.... :( i always do wonder his love towards me? it is real or what??? it seems so unreal!!!!! sigh..... dear boyfriend(WickedG)please love me more!!!!
beside on the above.... my family & i do move into the new house last Sunday which was on Xmas day ^^ our OWN house is way better than others :) & it is facing the sea front~~~ we can clearly see Penang Bridge :)
Studies: nothing much.... hopefully can pass 1 paper for this sitting( Dec 2011) result is coming out in Feb 2012...fingers crossed :|
hmmm what else.... a-ha visited Spore & HK for the very 1st time... yay!!!! hopefully can visit there again soon teehee ^^
this year is not a bad year actually.... life is full with ups & downs.... so happy moments i will remember it & for the sad one just leave it behind & forget about it.... well said forgive & forget!!!! :)

my new year resolutions:
1) MUST COMPLETE my fundamental level in ACCA
2) MUST find a job
3) WISH to know MORE friends.... ( especially GUYS)
4) WISH to travel OVERSEA ( Taiwan/ Korea/ Spore/ Bali/ Shanghai)
5) FIND a BETTER & LOYAL bf (love & cherish me, YES only me!!!!! haha)
6) MUST change my image to be more feminine :)
7) MUST stay SLIM & Keep on work out, to maintain my body :)
8) LEAD an ADVENTUROUS life
9) what I WISH FOR i wish I can ACHIEVE it!!!!
10) WISH everyone HAVE AN EXCITING YEAR!!!! With good health & good fortune!!!! :)

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!!!!! WELCOME THE NEW YEAR WITH OPEN ARMS!!!! :D

THE END.

i guess i can't take it anymore~~
with all the excuses he gave... i really think that im just a piece of shit to him~~~seriously...
he was ignoring me for the weekend & he excuse was i was busy with my friends.... WTF right??
even a msg he also can't even type....sigh....
i guess it is better to end everything & end all suffering..... since im not worth his time at all....
i'm really giving up~~ i don't want to waste anytime on him anyway~~ that's all....
till then, goodbye.....

BUSY

aloha hahahaha what have i been?
let me update u... im have been busy helping in my new house hahahaha~~~
work as free labour lol~~~ until my hand is having blister :( boooo.... but it's ok~~ i feel so happy :)
oh btw im currently blogging at my new house :) wifi is up at the new house, so that means my current house is without wifi now & i couldn't go online tonight & tomolo night~ guess i don't have anytime to online anyway :)
cos we r moving to the new house on sunday!!! which is on Xmas day!!! woots :) wheeeeee.....
& during that night we are having BBQ party!!! oh yeah xD
actually idk what im talking right now lol~ anyway Merry Xmas ^^ muackx....
Be merry & be happy!!! xD

Sometimes....

sometimes i do pity myself & i do really think that i'm useless in everything i do.....
i can't make up my mind what actually i want to do? i dunno why i always put myself in dilemma...
as u know i'm going down to KL this coming 30 dec till Jan 2.... & as u know my Baby is in KL....
i always find an excuse to go KL... but every time i'm able to go but we can't spend time together.... & don't ask me why.... i dunno....
actually this coming trip the purpose is to see Rania but my initial purpose is not that!!!! my initial purpose is to spend time with him... i know he do wants to spend time together but i can't.... its not that i don't want...its just i can't as my SG friends are coming to the concert as well.... i have to spend time with them plus one of my good friend is coming along with me... i can't ditch them to spend time with him right? however, i really do want to spend time with him....I REALLY DO!!!!
i really afraid that he will think that he is not my 1st priority.... Dear boyfriend: YOU ARE ALWAYS MY 1ST PRIORITY!!!!!! I do really feel bad for not spending the time with him this time.... he said we will work things out.... like how Baby?
As the age of 24, i find myself very USELESS!!!! i dunno why i must keep this relationship a secret? WHY? don't ask me, ask my boyfriend!! WHY can't we just tell our friends & family that we are together... things will be a lot easier... TRUST ME.... it will be a lot EASIER!!! No one will keep on asking me, why i wanna go down to KL that often~ & i can just tell them im going to spend time with my boyfriend... isn't it sound a lot easier? it does right!
Keeping it a secret is not a good thing after all... seriously... i do not mean that i must tell the whole world that i'm taken, i just wanna share this happiness with my close friends & family....my friends will be happy for me & i really do not know why he wanna keep it a secret? maybe like this he can wooing some girls.....i don't stop you! you can do whatever you like, you can break up with me anytime you want/ maybe he has a gf in KL & i'm the third party between them? D: *i do not want to ruin ppl's relationship*
well luckily he doesn't know that i have a blog... so that i can rant whatever i do not satisfy here :) that's the BEST part!!!!
Dear boyfriend: i do love you but i don't know are you feeling the same way? or you are just playing my feeling? :(
till then, we'll work things out & blame myself for everything! booo.....

Unofficial forever?

this entry is my random thoughts again.... BITE ME!!!!!
what you guys think of LDR.... i never thought i will be in it.... i dunno whether i should be happy or sad... well i think most of the time im sad LOL....KILL ME!!!!
the feeling is like u have someone but you just can't be with him/her!!! that's suck right?? :( booohoooo.... yours truly is not very happy/satisfied about it!!!! plus my-so-called-boyfriend is so NOT romantic & has no initiative at all & he loves his job more than me!!!! BOOOOOO HIM!!!! *i feel like this entry is going to be my ranting about my unsatisfactory towards HIM!!! i guess so -grins-BITE ME!!!!!*
i used to imagine whenever i have a bf in future, my love story will be like those appear in those Taiwanese dramas....LOL.... watch too much drama... it's a bad influence!!! anyway those storyline is so ridiculous yet still romantic :D totally love watching it~~~
now i wish i can stay by his side when he needs me.... but i don't really think that we are going to make it thru anyway.... i always admire people can go on a date with their love ones whenever they want, they celebrate their anniversary or special day together, they can go on a holiday together, they can spend time together, they can do things that they both like together, they can be in each others arms, they can have sweet talks together.... all those lists yours truly can't enjoy it!!!!! i'm pretty sad & with that i used to think is it still worth while to keep on hoping while u get nothing? it is better to let him go, so that he can find someone who deserve him... well yours truly is not really worth to have him.... *don't ask me why i have this thought*
if i said i don't deserve him, my friends are going to smack my head for saying so :X
i wonder when the unofficial can be the official? do you really looking forward to be with me or you are just thinking of a way you-know-what-are-you-going-to-do? well....Dear God can you give me an answer? i really need it.... sometimes i'm so lost..... i'm a lost child right now.... :(
recently he is not very happy with me, cos yours truly is ignoring him LMAO! he thinks that i'm ignoring him....damn he is so smart!!! hahahahaha.... oops :X i just don't understand why he can be so smart?
it's not that im ignoring him, i just want him to be initiative to approach me :) *grins* am i too much? D:
i'm having dilemmas right now.... as im going down to KL on Dec 30 till Jan 2.... i want to spend time alone with him & i know he wants it too.... but the worst part is no one from that group of friends know anything about us... plus i don't think i can really ditch them.... they come from SG.... & we hardly meet each others...so i think i'm gonna spend time with them.... actually i hardly meet my Baby too....ahhhhhh.... i don't want to let this opportunity slips away.... who knows when i have this opportunity again right? but what am i suppose to do? Dear God, i'm lost once again.... let me know what should i do? i feel bad for ditching either of them..... please take a gun & SHOOT ME!!!! im so wanna die..... :(
Till then, we'll figure it out!!!! God leads me to the right way please :(

ps: i have another new dilemma, my friend ask me to go sunway lagoon with her when im in KL lol >.<

Opportunities that slip away from me

it's been a very long time since my last update....
im sorry had been busy preparing for exams....
well, i was doing some packing & dumping some stuffs.... cos i'll be moving in 2 weeks time.....whee..... :D
but i hate packing....well mum was right, she said that i had the most stuffs in the family...well said LOL....i have to agree with her now.... :X
so many things i wish i can keep & so many things i wish to throw... dilemma... should i keep it or just dump it??
those were memories... memories that i cherish...
well heck~~ for this entry... im going to talk about my-so-call-puppy-love-with-someone-who-does-not-know-i-like-them. *oops one of them just liked my fb status* hahaha.... i have a feeling of commenting to him that ' you are one of them' hahaha guess i should keep it to myself :)
okok let's start talking about puppy love 1:
hahahaha how to start it? okok it all started in NS which was in year 2005... i knew him there... he is a very smart, easy-going, happy-go-lucky guy.... it's all started in one night, my camp was organising a talk... & we were bored lol.... we were using paper to talk to each others :) from then we became friend.... later on, both of us were having night duty on the same night...from then we exchange phone number :) it's all so sweet, so innocent.... lol....after NS we still keep in touch with each other until today~~~ i still remember i had feeling towards him but i never let him know until today hahaha~~ well the feeling had long gone.... but still it's still one of my lovely memories :)
puppy love 2:
he was my net friend but we do met in real life.... i always called him didi until today he is still my didi~~ hahaha... i used to have feeling towards him but still i never let him know about it~~~ hahahaha.... he used to sms me tons of tons of lovely poem that he wrote himself.... how lovely he can be... i guess he won his gf heart but using that tactic.... & i used to call him Egg cos of his name hehe ^^
i wonder if i do confess to the both of them, i might be his another half or maybe not.... both of them are my opportunities & i let them slip away from me.... im not sad or what but i feel this is why until now i am still single lol..... i'm a single lady single lady :D
both of them left a very huge impact in my heart until today... although the feeling has long gone.... both of them just reminds me of the time of growing up :)
maybe God doesn't want me to be with them... He wants me to be with x-x-x.... Dear God, are you playing a prank on me? Why can't u send me someone who deserve me better? Why him? Why? I can really feel that he doesn't have any feeling towards me.... he is just using me to pass him free time... he is playing with my feeling....Dear God.... i beg you....please send him away from me....i can't take it anymore....i may look strong outside but inside of me are fragile.... once break, it shatters.... :(

Random Outburst

Boooooo when you have to attend class on a lovely Saturday morning :(

somemore the subject you have to attend is law..... yuckssssss i felt so lawful ( law is awful) but what to do...as a good student like me :D I'm going to attend the class hahaha :D

Plus today my parents invited Mr. Huang to my house & he is going to see what are we going to go through for the next year!!!!! BOOOOOO...... this is the 1st time he's here & i'm out :((((((( how sad.....

oh well.... luckily nothing much for me the next year hahaha :))))) just he said that i have a lot of secrets....LOL I AM!!!! I need to share it out.... maybe i should share it here hehe ^^ secondly, he said i have a lot of 'flies' flying around me LOL.... hope it is true!!! :DDDD lemme meet a nice one! LOL.... just kidding!! luckily he never said congrats she is getting married next year!!! IMMA die LMAO!!!! hahahaha..... thirdly, he said in order to make everything goes smoothly, i need to go OVERSEA for HOLIDAY!!!!!!! :DDDDDDD wheeeee...... *plan for my holiday now....:D* fourthly, he said i might fall down... need to be careful.... hmmmm..... *noted that!* hopefully next year is a better year than this year :))))))) although this year is not a bad year for me~~ well of course i should hope for the best!!!! :DDDDDD

hahahaha actually i have another things to confess lol.... i'm a bit overboard this time for angry & ignoring him last night opps :X it's not i wanna be like this... i was like this, it is because i care about him, as he just recovered from sick....& he went to party.... i know he always party & i couldn't care less... but come to think about it...you just recover from sick & u party till dawn??? don't you think he is overboard?? haha oh well.....maybe i'm a bit overreacted this time.... he was shocked at my outburst today... i seriously run out of patient already... it's good to say it out instead of keep it to myself right... in order to make our relationship stronger, we should share out what we feel & solve it together :)))))  idk why i'm like that this time~~ it's a bit scary, come to think about it now LOL..... oh well.... i shall not talk about it anymore~~ :DDDDD

but i should said i'm really a good actress hahaha... i can be so angry towards him, but at the outside i'm fooling around with my friends & my siblings.... great actress :))))) i will win Oscar!!! LOL....

ijustwwanttobewithyou&whyitissohard :((((((