Pre-New Year Resolutions

aloha~~~ 1 day left to the new year 2012.....
well since i'm going to spend my new year in KL so i might not get to write down my new year resolutions hahaha~~ so i'm going to write it down now ^^
let me summarize what actually happened throughout the year~~~ actually nothing much.... just that ihaveabfbutnooneknowsaboutit should i be happy or sad? well.... i don't know!!!! let just see what is going to happen this weekend... see his efforts towards me(i do really hope to see him)... if not i think u know what i'm capable of doing :)
oh well.... actually i never put a very high hope towards him.... cos every time when i'm at KL... he NEVER EVER meet me up so...... i don't really care!!!! but i do mind!!!!& i feel hurt!!!! booooo.... :( i always do wonder his love towards me? it is real or what??? it seems so unreal!!!!! sigh..... dear boyfriend(WickedG)please love me more!!!!
beside on the above.... my family & i do move into the new house last Sunday which was on Xmas day ^^ our OWN house is way better than others :) & it is facing the sea front~~~ we can clearly see Penang Bridge :)
Studies: nothing much.... hopefully can pass 1 paper for this sitting( Dec 2011) result is coming out in Feb 2012...fingers crossed :|
hmmm what else.... a-ha visited Spore & HK for the very 1st time... yay!!!! hopefully can visit there again soon teehee ^^
this year is not a bad year actually.... life is full with ups & downs.... so happy moments i will remember it & for the sad one just leave it behind & forget about it.... well said forgive & forget!!!! :)

my new year resolutions:
1) MUST COMPLETE my fundamental level in ACCA
2) MUST find a job
3) WISH to know MORE friends.... ( especially GUYS)
4) WISH to travel OVERSEA ( Taiwan/ Korea/ Spore/ Bali/ Shanghai)
5) FIND a BETTER & LOYAL bf (love & cherish me, YES only me!!!!! haha)
6) MUST change my image to be more feminine :)
7) MUST stay SLIM & Keep on work out, to maintain my body :)
8) LEAD an ADVENTUROUS life
9) what I WISH FOR i wish I can ACHIEVE it!!!!
10) WISH everyone HAVE AN EXCITING YEAR!!!! With good health & good fortune!!!! :)

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!!!!! WELCOME THE NEW YEAR WITH OPEN ARMS!!!! :D

THE END.

i guess i can't take it anymore~~
with all the excuses he gave... i really think that im just a piece of shit to him~~~seriously...
he was ignoring me for the weekend & he excuse was i was busy with my friends.... WTF right??
even a msg he also can't even type....sigh....
i guess it is better to end everything & end all suffering..... since im not worth his time at all....
i'm really giving up~~ i don't want to waste anytime on him anyway~~ that's all....
till then, goodbye.....

BUSY

aloha hahahaha what have i been?
let me update u... im have been busy helping in my new house hahahaha~~~
work as free labour lol~~~ until my hand is having blister :( boooo.... but it's ok~~ i feel so happy :)
oh btw im currently blogging at my new house :) wifi is up at the new house, so that means my current house is without wifi now & i couldn't go online tonight & tomolo night~ guess i don't have anytime to online anyway :)
cos we r moving to the new house on sunday!!! which is on Xmas day!!! woots :) wheeeeee.....
& during that night we are having BBQ party!!! oh yeah xD
actually idk what im talking right now lol~ anyway Merry Xmas ^^ muackx....
Be merry & be happy!!! xD

Sometimes....

sometimes i do pity myself & i do really think that i'm useless in everything i do.....
i can't make up my mind what actually i want to do? i dunno why i always put myself in dilemma...
as u know i'm going down to KL this coming 30 dec till Jan 2.... & as u know my Baby is in KL....
i always find an excuse to go KL... but every time i'm able to go but we can't spend time together.... & don't ask me why.... i dunno....
actually this coming trip the purpose is to see Rania but my initial purpose is not that!!!! my initial purpose is to spend time with him... i know he do wants to spend time together but i can't.... its not that i don't want...its just i can't as my SG friends are coming to the concert as well.... i have to spend time with them plus one of my good friend is coming along with me... i can't ditch them to spend time with him right? however, i really do want to spend time with him....I REALLY DO!!!!
i really afraid that he will think that he is not my 1st priority.... Dear boyfriend: YOU ARE ALWAYS MY 1ST PRIORITY!!!!!! I do really feel bad for not spending the time with him this time.... he said we will work things out.... like how Baby?
As the age of 24, i find myself very USELESS!!!! i dunno why i must keep this relationship a secret? WHY? don't ask me, ask my boyfriend!! WHY can't we just tell our friends & family that we are together... things will be a lot easier... TRUST ME.... it will be a lot EASIER!!! No one will keep on asking me, why i wanna go down to KL that often~ & i can just tell them im going to spend time with my boyfriend... isn't it sound a lot easier? it does right!
Keeping it a secret is not a good thing after all... seriously... i do not mean that i must tell the whole world that i'm taken, i just wanna share this happiness with my close friends & family....my friends will be happy for me & i really do not know why he wanna keep it a secret? maybe like this he can wooing some girls.....i don't stop you! you can do whatever you like, you can break up with me anytime you want/ maybe he has a gf in KL & i'm the third party between them? D: *i do not want to ruin ppl's relationship*
well luckily he doesn't know that i have a blog... so that i can rant whatever i do not satisfy here :) that's the BEST part!!!!
Dear boyfriend: i do love you but i don't know are you feeling the same way? or you are just playing my feeling? :(
till then, we'll work things out & blame myself for everything! booo.....

Unofficial forever?

this entry is my random thoughts again.... BITE ME!!!!!
what you guys think of LDR.... i never thought i will be in it.... i dunno whether i should be happy or sad... well i think most of the time im sad LOL....KILL ME!!!!
the feeling is like u have someone but you just can't be with him/her!!! that's suck right?? :( booohoooo.... yours truly is not very happy/satisfied about it!!!! plus my-so-called-boyfriend is so NOT romantic & has no initiative at all & he loves his job more than me!!!! BOOOOOO HIM!!!! *i feel like this entry is going to be my ranting about my unsatisfactory towards HIM!!! i guess so -grins-BITE ME!!!!!*
i used to imagine whenever i have a bf in future, my love story will be like those appear in those Taiwanese dramas....LOL.... watch too much drama... it's a bad influence!!! anyway those storyline is so ridiculous yet still romantic :D totally love watching it~~~
now i wish i can stay by his side when he needs me.... but i don't really think that we are going to make it thru anyway.... i always admire people can go on a date with their love ones whenever they want, they celebrate their anniversary or special day together, they can go on a holiday together, they can spend time together, they can do things that they both like together, they can be in each others arms, they can have sweet talks together.... all those lists yours truly can't enjoy it!!!!! i'm pretty sad & with that i used to think is it still worth while to keep on hoping while u get nothing? it is better to let him go, so that he can find someone who deserve him... well yours truly is not really worth to have him.... *don't ask me why i have this thought*
if i said i don't deserve him, my friends are going to smack my head for saying so :X
i wonder when the unofficial can be the official? do you really looking forward to be with me or you are just thinking of a way you-know-what-are-you-going-to-do? well....Dear God can you give me an answer? i really need it.... sometimes i'm so lost..... i'm a lost child right now.... :(
recently he is not very happy with me, cos yours truly is ignoring him LMAO! he thinks that i'm ignoring him....damn he is so smart!!! hahahahaha.... oops :X i just don't understand why he can be so smart?
it's not that im ignoring him, i just want him to be initiative to approach me :) *grins* am i too much? D:
i'm having dilemmas right now.... as im going down to KL on Dec 30 till Jan 2.... i want to spend time alone with him & i know he wants it too.... but the worst part is no one from that group of friends know anything about us... plus i don't think i can really ditch them.... they come from SG.... & we hardly meet each others...so i think i'm gonna spend time with them.... actually i hardly meet my Baby too....ahhhhhh.... i don't want to let this opportunity slips away.... who knows when i have this opportunity again right? but what am i suppose to do? Dear God, i'm lost once again.... let me know what should i do? i feel bad for ditching either of them..... please take a gun & SHOOT ME!!!! im so wanna die..... :(
Till then, we'll figure it out!!!! God leads me to the right way please :(

ps: i have another new dilemma, my friend ask me to go sunway lagoon with her when im in KL lol >.<

Opportunities that slip away from me

it's been a very long time since my last update....
im sorry had been busy preparing for exams....
well, i was doing some packing & dumping some stuffs.... cos i'll be moving in 2 weeks time.....whee..... :D
but i hate packing....well mum was right, she said that i had the most stuffs in the family...well said LOL....i have to agree with her now.... :X
so many things i wish i can keep & so many things i wish to throw... dilemma... should i keep it or just dump it??
those were memories... memories that i cherish...
well heck~~ for this entry... im going to talk about my-so-call-puppy-love-with-someone-who-does-not-know-i-like-them. *oops one of them just liked my fb status* hahaha.... i have a feeling of commenting to him that ' you are one of them' hahaha guess i should keep it to myself :)
okok let's start talking about puppy love 1:
hahahaha how to start it? okok it all started in NS which was in year 2005... i knew him there... he is a very smart, easy-going, happy-go-lucky guy.... it's all started in one night, my camp was organising a talk... & we were bored lol.... we were using paper to talk to each others :) from then we became friend.... later on, both of us were having night duty on the same night...from then we exchange phone number :) it's all so sweet, so innocent.... lol....after NS we still keep in touch with each other until today~~~ i still remember i had feeling towards him but i never let him know until today hahaha~~ well the feeling had long gone.... but still it's still one of my lovely memories :)
puppy love 2:
he was my net friend but we do met in real life.... i always called him didi until today he is still my didi~~ hahaha... i used to have feeling towards him but still i never let him know about it~~~ hahahaha.... he used to sms me tons of tons of lovely poem that he wrote himself.... how lovely he can be... i guess he won his gf heart but using that tactic.... & i used to call him Egg cos of his name hehe ^^
i wonder if i do confess to the both of them, i might be his another half or maybe not.... both of them are my opportunities & i let them slip away from me.... im not sad or what but i feel this is why until now i am still single lol..... i'm a single lady single lady :D
both of them left a very huge impact in my heart until today... although the feeling has long gone.... both of them just reminds me of the time of growing up :)
maybe God doesn't want me to be with them... He wants me to be with x-x-x.... Dear God, are you playing a prank on me? Why can't u send me someone who deserve me better? Why him? Why? I can really feel that he doesn't have any feeling towards me.... he is just using me to pass him free time... he is playing with my feeling....Dear God.... i beg you....please send him away from me....i can't take it anymore....i may look strong outside but inside of me are fragile.... once break, it shatters.... :(

Random Outburst

Boooooo when you have to attend class on a lovely Saturday morning :(

somemore the subject you have to attend is law..... yuckssssss i felt so lawful ( law is awful) but what to do...as a good student like me :D I'm going to attend the class hahaha :D

Plus today my parents invited Mr. Huang to my house & he is going to see what are we going to go through for the next year!!!!! BOOOOOO...... this is the 1st time he's here & i'm out :((((((( how sad.....

oh well.... luckily nothing much for me the next year hahaha :))))) just he said that i have a lot of secrets....LOL I AM!!!! I need to share it out.... maybe i should share it here hehe ^^ secondly, he said i have a lot of 'flies' flying around me LOL.... hope it is true!!! :DDDD lemme meet a nice one! LOL.... just kidding!! luckily he never said congrats she is getting married next year!!! IMMA die LMAO!!!! hahahaha..... thirdly, he said in order to make everything goes smoothly, i need to go OVERSEA for HOLIDAY!!!!!!! :DDDDDDD wheeeee...... *plan for my holiday now....:D* fourthly, he said i might fall down... need to be careful.... hmmmm..... *noted that!* hopefully next year is a better year than this year :))))))) although this year is not a bad year for me~~ well of course i should hope for the best!!!! :DDDDDD

hahahaha actually i have another things to confess lol.... i'm a bit overboard this time for angry & ignoring him last night opps :X it's not i wanna be like this... i was like this, it is because i care about him, as he just recovered from sick....& he went to party.... i know he always party & i couldn't care less... but come to think about it...you just recover from sick & u party till dawn??? don't you think he is overboard?? haha oh well.....maybe i'm a bit overreacted this time.... he was shocked at my outburst today... i seriously run out of patient already... it's good to say it out instead of keep it to myself right... in order to make our relationship stronger, we should share out what we feel & solve it together :)))))  idk why i'm like that this time~~ it's a bit scary, come to think about it now LOL..... oh well.... i shall not talk about it anymore~~ :DDDDD

but i should said i'm really a good actress hahaha... i can be so angry towards him, but at the outside i'm fooling around with my friends & my siblings.... great actress :))))) i will win Oscar!!! LOL....

ijustwwanttobewithyou&whyitissohard :(((((( 

Here I am :)

Annyeong haseyo~~~
mood status: good
it's been a while hehe....
well, i'm doing fine here :)
KMW was AWESOME.... met 2 new friends :)))))))
it's OCTOBER already & it's my MONTH :)))))))))))
can't believe that 2011 is coming to an end~~~ time flies.....
well i did not achieve anything this year OMG.....what a waste :((((((((
I should study really really hard this time to pass 3 papers....so in the end I do achieve something right?
hmmmmm..... STUDY HARD RACHEL LEE :DDDDDDDDD STUDY FOR YOUR FUTURE!!!!! I WANNA BE A SUCCESSFUL CORPORATE WOMAN :))))))))))
i always tell myself that time doesn't stop for anyone..... plus I'm going to be 24 in 19 days time.... seriously I'm damn useless hahaha~~~ all of my friends are working to earn for a living, while i'm still fooling around.... many admire me but I feel ashamed.... :(((((((
I should take this as my motivation to study.... hmmmm..... let's suffer for this 2 months & after dec 12 i'll be free & gonna send my resume to some firms.... :)))))) job searching is on!!!!! hahaha......
after my exam i think i'm going to move to my new house!! woots :)))))))))))) can't wait to have my own room.... hahaha.... i'm a happy girl  woman~~~ some people ask why u r not sharing the same room with your sister? well my sister said " she(me) is 24 already, she should have her own room, so next time she can bring her bf home." seriously WTF!!!!! hahaha..... she has a point.... oh well.... thx u anyway :))))) I'll try my best to find a jie fu for you LOL........
till then, I'll study hard!!!! :))))))))))

For the umpteen time.....

Demotivated

Pissed

Tired

Frustrated

Emotional

Lazy

Stress

Letting U go :)

I'm a dramatic person~
i love to make a fuss of everything~ love it or hate it, i can't control you~
anyway i deleted everything hahahaha~~ finally finally~dk how many N times of giving up, now is the time~~i know it is :)
we are not meant to be seriously we r not!!!
finally all the drama comes to an end~
am not going to bother & interfere your precious life anymore~ U ARE FREE NOW, U CAN DO WHATEVER U WANT!!!! it sounds so great man!!!! woots~~~ congrats congrats :)
Rachel Lee, move on & smile always :) bring back ur happy-go-lucky personality to the whole world :D woots~
i still got 1 thing to worry lol~ about his sis~ anyway heck la~~ when the time is here only find solution~ cos i'm not going to meet him anymore & i think he doesn't want to meet me anymore too~ lol~~anyway we shall see when the time comes lol :D
anyway i hope u find someone who loves you & be happy always :) cheers!!

I'M FREE :D

i'm so tired right now~ lol

this morning went to play badminton with friends & makan too~

now waiting the time to come & going to attend my friend's wedding dinner lol~

many of my friends are getting married, while im still single, waiting for my Mr. Right lol~~ what a sad life :(

i don't mind being single right now but sometimes i will feel very lonely when im alone lol~ cos i do not have much friends :(
anyway i deleted everything hahaha bbm, phone number woots~~~ letting it go finally :D

Library life is going to start soon & i shall put more efforts in my studies this time~~ pass all of it woots~~~

Move On :)

GIVE UP!
Time to move on :)
cheers Rachel Lee~~~
tomorrow is a brand new day~~
the past it's the past....look for the future!!!! :)

Happy End

i never feel so confuse & so lost before~~

i need to find my way out from all this shits~~

i guess the only way is to let it go~~

i will feel better in every way~~

i should lead my happy life rather than staying on something that not worth for me~~

maybe i should say something that not meant for me~~

i always tell myself when it is not yours, no matter how u try still it is not yours~~

clapping one hand & one sided love is not going to work out~~

since i'm not so deeply into it, maybe i should let it go & i'll be happy in every way :)

sometimes i wonder whether people do take my words seriously? haha~~ maybe nah~~

i also do wonder whether people do appreciate what i did? haha~~ idk~~

anyway i should let it go & i will feel better~ maybe i will be sad for few days but looking at the big picture, i will feel happier forever~ :D

i have been waiting for the right one, maybe my Mr. Right is waiting for me too~ haha~~ maybe we haven't meet yet or maybe we already met :D

I'm good in nothing :)

aloha im here again :)

u guys must be shock, why do i come so often recently? erm cos i don't want to update all my ranting at twitter & facebook anymore~~ so i decided to rant at here... it is better no one know this blog anyway :) here is like my secret ranting place from now on hahahaha~ :X

don't worry i will share everything here not only bitterness but also happiness :)

well let's start~~

i know i always give people the feeling that i'm a girl with no emotions~~ cos i always laugh & fooling aound when im with my friends.... haha friends, sorry i need to act cos i don't want to reveal my sad side to u guys~ so i remain as happy as i can~ plus i doesn't want u guys to worry about me & i don't want to reveal anything to anyone~ :) sorry of my selfishness~~

when someone ignore me, i always wanna find out why this person not talking to me~ i always wanna know what did i do that hurt them? but im always that clueless, i don't know what did i do~ maybe sometimes some words that i said, hurt their feelings~ sorry that's my weakness~ if i hurt you, let me know.... i'll change :)

well, frankly speaking i think i don't have friends....haha cos im always alone~ but i always give ppl the impressions that i have a lot of friends but actually i don't~ i don't have true friend~~ i need a friend to share all my emotions lol~~~ but i can't cos i never reveal my secrets to ppl lol~ nvm i will share with u my bloggie

im good in consoling ppl but no one actually know what i have been going through~ haha~ my heart is full of plasters :) lol~~~ being stabbed dk for how many times but surprisingly it's still working fine :) i have a solid heart hahahaha :D

people used to tell me time will heal everything~ i do believe it~ but sometimes i don't~ time is for u to escape everything u have suffer~& u will try to ignore & avoid.....

maybe im a selfish brat! i don't want myself to get hurt, where else i hurt others feeling~ i'm so sorry.....

i'm afraid to be in love.... & i think im not worth for people to love me..... im not pretty, im stupid, im dumb, im not good in anything, in conclusion im nth~ pathetic :)

i don't think i wanna to continue writing anymore haha~~ i feel like crying now lol~~ anyway ciao~~

OH BABY TELL ME WHY YOU ACT SO STRANGE

I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE!!!!!

aloha haha long time never update about my 'WONDERFUL' life lol~~~

well i'm doing very very fine~ still alive, still suffering, still studying, still enjoying, still gaining weights, still removing fats lol~

i think now here is a place for me rant haha~~ all happy & unhappy stuffs imma write it all here from now on :) yippeeee~ anyway no readers also lol~~

sometimes ppl said when u r in love, u r very happy & always like full with happiness & whatsoever~hmmmm i can prove that this is all lies lol~~~

maybe in my case it is different from ppl~ hmmmm.....

anyway i maybe putting too much love on my so-called boyfriend.... one sided love~ clapping one hand all the way~ hahaha bodoh! *facepalm*

i already made the wrong decision, i don't think we can work out anyway...why am i still holding on? i should just cut it off & lead my happy life~~ not worth by thinking or caring for the boyfriend, while he is enjoying his ass out with his friends~~ lol....bodoh!

PLUS, he don't even wanna talk to u & everything he also dunno & keep everything to himself *NO he keeps everything from me* lol~~ bodoh!

he always give u silly excuses & somemore i choose to trust him lol~ bodoh!

ask me what do he like? i only can answer CLUBBING! lol bodoh!

did he talk to u? errrrrr NOPE~~~ lol bodoh!

when is your last conversation with him? errrrrr May?? lol bodoh!

when did u last see him? April~~ lol bodoh!

so u guys r in a long distance relationship? YUP~~~ very very far from each other like Mars & Venus lol bodoh!

My so-called boyfriend said he doesn't know how to express his feeling to me cos we are FAR...lol okok i understand but in the 1st place you should not agree to be in this relationship what!!!! lol bodoh!

although we do not see each other but i can say we r in arguments all the time!!! lol bodoh!

Rachel Lee, you should wake up & face the truth!!! your so called boyfriend doesn't love you at all!!!! time to wake up & end all suffering!!!!! lol bodoh!

okok i should wake up & adjust back my happy life back~~ :D *click the delete button* proofs.....*clearing in process* *data deleted* weeeeeeeeee :D

sometimes when your patience limit is reach, u can't accept it anymore~~

u will tend not to listen & remember explanation is just to cover up the naked truth!

the more u explain, the more u r lying to urself~ to make ur partner feel better~actually sorry i do not feel better in anyway~~~ lol....

anyway on a brighter side, imma to Korean Music Wave 2011 in Malaysia~~~ weeeeeeee :D

gonna enjoy myself to the fullest~~ finally i get to see my FT Babies & TOP!!!!! *fangirl scream*

after that, im going to start my daily library life :D hahahahaha..... i do miss studying now! maybe should start now haha~~~ study! put more effort! remember after all this professional qualification is recognize worldwide!!!! who doesn't hire a professional qualification holder! okok STUDY HARD!!!!! SUCCESSFUL WOMEN IN MAKING!!!!!!

whoever who despise u in the past....show them what u have!!!!! prove them wrong!!!!!

ALL THE BEST TO MYSELF!!!!!! :D

heart is so jetlagged x)

ANNYEONGHASEYO~~~ x)

it's been a long time since my last update hehe~~

im sorry~ cos im very busy with my daily routine lol which is an excuse lol~~ignore me :)

well well well....im doing good here but a lil bit emo lol~~~

emo bout what? erm let me keep it to myself :D hiak hiak hiak~~~

wow June is almost over & we r going to step into the second half of 2011~~~woots~~~

time flies without realizing hahaha & i did nth for the last 6 months~~~ no achievement at all~~lol Rachel Lee u fail :)

ahhhhh i think i did something~~~ make ppl heartbreak i think lol~~~or should i say make ppl hate me?? hmmmm bad bad~~~

ahha~~ recently i met a new friend haha he is not bad hahaha~~ my lil bro always have heart to heart talk with me :) almost say im emo but actually im not hehe~~~ thx friend for cheering me up :) remember u promise to lend me ur shoulder to cry on if something happen to me :) hiak hiak hiak~~~ don worry i won't let myself cry it out lol~~~ im strong lmao~~~ only my heart cries :) hahahahahaha~~~

hmmmm i don't understand why i have those negative thingy always pop up at my mind lol~ is not that i don't trust u, it's u that did not convince me to believe u lol~~ anyway idk~ ilu but idk im confuse...... i wanna give up on us but my heart said NOOOOOO~~lol wtf..... & u always give me a cold shoulder hahaha~~ & i feel like everytime i talk to u, u r just hmmm ok, make me ide. this is why i don dare to talk to u & i feel like im disturbing u~ haha.... anyway idk what should i do? can someone give me some advice? hahahahahahaha~~~ im lost....very very lost :( should i give up? please give me some advice? :)